But, I didn't fall over the edge.
Which brings me to this morning. I woke up several times—hot, sweaty, sticky from an ultra muggy night. But, at some point, as the sky was getting lighter, a cool breeze wafted through the window. It was 5:37 and I was thrilled that I had more time to sleep. Yes, thrilled. Happy. Gleeful. Enthusiastic.
I hadn't felt that way in a really long time.
I basked in that for awhile, delighted to be without the anxious edge that's overtaken everything.
Am I still that way? No. I think after I take the meds I get very jittery for awhile, whether real or imagined I'm not quite sure. I'm on the tail end of it now and am hoping it fades soon.
It's better than it was half an hour ago.
But this anxiety is revved up without the dread knotted in the bottom of my stomach. It's more like after drinking too much caffeine. Which is why I don't drink caffeine anymore.
My dream is calm.
I'm hoping I'm on the right road.