Friday, June 25, 2010

disconnected

After months (and months) of feeling compelled to write every day, I don't anymore.

I'm not completely sure why.

I don't know that I feel like figuring it out.

I've poured out so much time and energy and angst and anxiety here. I've analyzed, whined, interpreted, worried, questioned, doubted—I could go on and on. There have been delightful parts too, amazing moments, outrageous experiences, super highs to balance out the bottom of the barrel lows.

Maybe I'm tired of the exploration.

Maybe feeling less intense is a nice break.

I almost miss the drive, the energy, being compelled and driven, but not quite. It's feeling ok to be. Just be. Sitting with what is not what might be or what was before.

I'm learning how to be me in the moment, not me defined by a project, not me spinning my wheels at insane levels to accomplish more.

Having said that, maybe I have to make more of an effort so as not to get lost for too long in this place. I'm setting a new 40 day sadhana of writing every day.

We'll see where that takes me.

Day 1 is wondering where my laundry cards are and if anyone's interested in what I have to say anymore.


2 comments:

thelittlefluffycat said...

I have a little character blog I posted on pretty much every day for a year. Then circumstances and time got in the way, and priorities changed. Even though it was often only a line or two, it was too much.

I think we go through cycles in our lives where things rearrange themselves. It comes down to, not if others are interested in what we say in places like this -- but if we are. :)

Ride the tide. :)

Kathleen said...

Well I have certainly enjoyed your posts!! You put yourself out there and I appreciate your candor and it is refreshing!!

I do understand about the disconnected feeling. Sometimes we just need to STOP!

I woke up this morning with this quote on MY mind: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results" So today I am formulating a new approach to what I have been doing and this encompassses me "Stopping" for a bit what I AM doing presently.

Have a great Day!!