Yesterday was talking about menstruation. Next up is rallying a NYC school community to fight for fair funding. Throw in my new business helping people navigate our complicated high school process along with exploring new avenues to get the word out about what I'm doing in that regard.
I've got pieces to write.
Agendas to construct.
Plans to make.
People to motivate.
Ideas to communicate.
And then there's the rest of life.
Valentine's cards to make.
Cookies to bake.
Yoga classes to take (this rhyming is unintentional).
Movies to write.
Blog posts to ponder.
Much is on my to do list at the moment. But at this very moment, I've got a dog on my lap, a chocolate cupcake staring me down, and a comedy juggling show to go to in a few minutes. And those trump everything else listed above.
Friday, February 12, 2016
It's been a long time since menstruation was my middle name. For years I delved into, obsessed about, researched, dreamed, talked, lived, breathed periods. Against all odds and popular opinion I made my dream come true. My period project thoughts evolved into FLOW, the Cultural Story of Menstruation - 15 years from the inkling of an idea to a book on a shelf. With a fab launch party at Rizzoli's no less.
FLOW consumed me. It went far beyond research and writing. I scoured eBay and auction houses for vintage ads and packaging. Matched art to manuscript. Met with editors and designers. Wrote press releases. Created promo films. Pitched interview ideas. Spoke to reviewers, chatted on radio shows (Dr. Oz anyone?), spent a segment on The View with Whoopi, who thanked me for writing the book, and the rest of that morning cast. Amazon rankings ruled my emotions. Menstrual conversation took precedence over everything else.
And then it was over. Almost overnight.
I'd thought I'd be talking about periods forever. But instead, conversations moved elsewhere and the glimmers of interest dwindled. This process, that affects every person on the planet, whose presence signifies the ability to give birth, whose absence means life or life changes, still isn't something people want to talk about. Girls are still generally ashamed and uncomfortable. Women often dread or at least resent its arrival. Periods are the punch lines of jokes, the objects of ridicule, or the subject of blame.
Except for out of the blue interviews, I stopped talking and moved on too.
Then there was today. I got to dive in, revisit ideas, draw parallels and new conclusions. Talk about history and religion and girl power and packaging. Advertising and culture and puberty and menopause. Bodies. And blood. Where we've been, where we are, where we could go with mindfulness, constructive ideas, and the desire to make things better for future generations.
I wrote FLOW to inspire conversations about menstruation. Today I discovered they're happening. And I got to jump back in and remember why I put all this out into the world in the first place.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
My life is full do big things, huge things, monumental things at the moment. Amazing opportunities and possibilities. Medical issues with no answers. Life's dramatically changing that deeply affect me but aren't mine. Giant meetings to run. Phone calls to doctors to make. Rallying of some people. Emotional support for others.
So many unknowns it's hard to wrap my head around all of them.
Some will work out. Some won't. Some could be phenomenal. Others could suck.
All will be life changing.
Today I'm wishing for status quo.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Writing. Putting words to thoughts. Moving idea for the mess in my head outside somehow makes them more real. Formally acknowledges their presence. Gives them power.
For now, I prefer to live without concreteness. Because saying all that's going on means I have to deal.
And I don't want to.
That's my biggest writing roadblock right now.
Not wanting what is to be true.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
I don't know what's next.
I don't angst about it like I used to.
I don't need to know.
I'm more comfortable with the unknown than I ever have been.
I can't tell if this calmer outlook is because I'm growing up. Getting older. Or giving in.
Part of me wishes I could rekindle my passion and energy and drive. And part of me is nothing but relieved to not be so driven anymore.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
I used to use this space to delve deeper into some serious issues. I bared my soul. I shared my fears. I opened my insecurities to the world. Which, at the time, was a welcome release.
Part of me wishes I could still do that. There's much inside me right now that needs a place to go. Aging parents. Aging me. Aging kids. College. High school. Menopause. Career paths. Volunteering. Politics. Racism. Health. Wealth. The state of the city. The state of the country. The wars in the world.
Writing it out doesn't feel right at the moment. It's almost too much to contend with and so it's less emotional to plough through my extensive to do list and not address the other parts of things, no matter how important, intense, pervasive they are.
My mantra of the moment helps me through these unknowing, ever changing bits: this too shall pass. And from mud comes beauty.
Friday, February 5, 2016
I could contact fellow PTA's about unfair funding. Work on marketing strategies for my newish business. Research femcare advertising for a possible project. Send out invoices. Look into car service packages. Delve into one of the many book ideas I have that I haven't explored yet. Clean my living room. Make dinner.
But instead I'm just going to sit here a little longer and feel pretty ok about not doing any of the above or anything else.