longing

I’d been mostly off Facebook for a month or so and honestly wasn’t missing it much. But after posted something the other day, about my brother who died in August and Christmas Eve which we always celebrated together and tangential stories about his and all that, I quickly got sucked in. 

I kept checking to see who like my post, who commented, also got stuck in the cycle of why them and not others. I went back to opening the app on my phone, just to see. Searched out different people and groups and spent a whole bunch of time in that vortex of scrolling and mind numbing. 

In this current place we’re collectively at, numbing minds is what so many/too many do. It is an effective distraction, a way to pass time, to feel like something is being accomplished or at least although I’m not sure what. It’s a hard habit to break as there is most assuredly an active aspect of it all. Thinking about all the things I could have done instead of mindless scrolling is hard to even comprehend. But today is a new day and while I miss the attention and feedback I can also see how controlling and negative it can be.