returning

I’m somewhere in the middle of my Saturn returning - every 29.5 years Saturn completes a lap around the sun and it can be a time of huge change and upheaval and all sorts of stuff. 29.5 was remarkably dramatic and then I forgot all about this phenomenon until the past year plus has been fraught with loss and change and stress and an astrologer gasped at my chart in June and exclaimed things would be hard, like really super challenging hard until January. 

Yeah. It’s been hard. 

I lost my mom, my puppy, my brother. My business slowed down - lowest performing season in years. My mom’s house is being sold. Unlikely I’ll be at my brother’s again. Friends have disappeared. There were health things and emotional things. My things and other people’s things. I’ve grieved and sobbed and cracked for so long I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to not burst into tears multiple times a day. 

Too often I see the world in black-and-white without all the variations, focusing on the negative which is totally channeling my mother. But over the past stretch I’ve also traveled more than I have in years. Found new people to do fabulous things with. Changed my style, learned to sew better, found different ways of helping families find solid schools, welcomed a kid back home, podcast regularly. Downs and ups. Heartache and joy. Pain and thrills. Sigh. Working on letting it flow and being as ok as I can through it all.