Saturday, May 22, 2010

how far I've fallen


Next week is BEA (Book Expo America) and I want to go. Last year I went with a friend of mine, one of my closest from college whom I hadn't seen since then. We met amid the chaos and confusion before the doors opened and within 10 seconds it was as if I'd seen him every day since I was 19. We wandered the aisles, picking up books and galleys. I had the pleasure of meeting Jeff Kinney, who wrote the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series and got to tell him his books were the reason Jack started reading. My favorite part was the fabulous bags everyone was giving away. To be honest, that's one of the reasons I wanted to go back.

Apparently things tightened up this year and my friend's contacts wouldn't work so I called my editor and volunteered to sign books, to be a part of their team, to do whatever I could to help out. She very politely explained that since I'm not a best-selling author, that wouldn't be happening. I then came across a request for articles about BEA from a publication that's all about the publishing world. I pitched a story about what it's like to be a writer these days, about how everyone's talking about the companies, the profits, the future of the industry while no one's talking about how hard it is to be an author in this environment. Along with my (free) article I asked if they could get me into BEA. If I was willing to report on the convention, then sure I was told.

I sent off my piece. No response. I emailed again and he said we needed to talk, the gist of that conversation being that since he didn't know me, he didn't feel comfortable with me representing his magazine. I can understand that and had he stopped then, I'd never have given it a second thought. But, he continued. They had a certain image to uphold and I could, potentially, be quite damaging if I didn't live up to their standards. Ok, it wasn't quite as harsh as that, but he got stuck in this negative place and couldn't quite get out, rehashing several times how I could potentially make such a bad impression it would be detrimental. I thanked him for the consideration and said I understood his point. No worries.

He then said he could get me in as a volunteer, if I'd distribute promotional materials for a couple of hours.

It was hard not to laugh. I politely declined and got off the phone thinking about how in spite of the many things I've accomplished, to him I'm a potential source of embarrassment and inappropriateness.

I figured he hadn't seen me hold my own on The View, with Dr. Oz, on FOX news. He must not have checked out my website and all that I've done. Doubtful he's read anything I'd written or interviews about me. While on the one hand, it was thoughtful he offered me anything at all, on the other (and I know this sounds ridiculously egotistical) please.

How much do I have to do to get to where I want to be? To be recognized? Appreciated? To get a pass to a book fair without jumping through hoops or doing menial labor?

This isn't an easy place to be. But at least I'm appreciating the irony of it all.

10 comments:

Allison (ali_marea) said...

I can't even fathom that man not looking you up. If he was unfamiliar with you then he should have done his research.

You are far kinder than I would have been in your place. There would have been no effort on my part to refrain from laughing in his face. And then I would probably get angry. (perhaps it's better that I'm not yet successful as a writer...)

Regardless, I think you're fantastic and I know you want to go, but it is more their loss than yours, for sure!

Allison (ali_marea) said...

I can't even fathom that man not looking you up. If he was unfamiliar with you then he should have done his research.

You are far kinder than I would have been in your place. There would have been no effort on my part to refrain from laughing in his face. And then I would probably get angry. (perhaps it's better that I'm not yet successful as a writer...)

Regardless, I think you're fantastic and I know you want to go, but it is more their loss than yours, for sure!

Josh said...

Dude, I honestly wouldn't worry about it. He sounds like a small-time thinker and I couldn't imagine being the publisher of a magazine and turning down an offer like yours without at least checking you out like Allison said.

This is my first time finding you (through a random tweet) and you definitely sound cooler than he gives you credit for.

Carla Ray said...

When Teresa Guidice of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" can make the NYT bestseller list, ("Skinny Italian") you know it's a very different world.

I'm sure if she wanted to write about her experience at the BEA, she would get a greenlight to do so.

MOLLYC said...

I wish you could go to the conference.If I were loaded, I would pay your way! xo

Deborah said...

It certainly IS a shame that the man in question was too lazy to do 5 minutes of research to discover that you would have been a completely appropriate representative for them. And oh my --- the condescending and self-important tone that he emitted certainly came through in your writing.

You sound wonderfully grounded about it all, but bless your heart, that still must have taken you aback to be treated thus.

janflora said...

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
You are so far ahead of them they can't even focus! You know he just can't handle thinking about those lady-things ;)

Rita Arens said...

I totally get where you are coming from. This business is killer on the ego. At least we aren't actors.

quin browne said...

As my Gran would have said, "Fuck him and the horse he rode in on"

Okay, she wouldn't have said fuck, but, you could tell from her voice that is the word she meant instead of "The hell with him,etc"

Debra Marrs said...

Something tells me that man will regret his ignorance one day. I wonder how we can get this information to his superiors... hmm... Have faith! You're way better than he's given you credit for.