Sunday, May 23, 2010


Usually when writing, I'm all about full disclosure. In no way do I ever write to hurt others, to leave bad impressions, to do anything other than share what's going on with me, either on the surface or deep inside.

Twice this week I've been censored. Once in a post about my pride and gratitude at how much Jack's accomplished in his 9 years, once in a post about what my anxiety feels like.

It's a fine line. Once words are out there, they're there for everyone to see. To react to. To make judgements about. I suppose I can appreciate the bigger picture of that. My writing about what an anxiety attack feels like might not reflect positively on me professionally. On the other hand, when I write from my deepest places, those are the posts that resonate most powerfully with others.

What's right? Do I go with my gut or respect that others have my best interests at heart and want to help?

I don't know.


Tammy said...

The irony is that I had just left you a comment about your brilliant timing, as I get myself through today and trying to refocus my anxious energy. I wish I could recall what I wrote, but I wish you well in your decision. You show your strength in your writings and your clear passion for seeking answers, not weakness. You had written what many of us think but few of us say. Stay Strong...

Deborah said...

I have noticed that with my own occasional warts-and-all writing in my blog and books, people respond quite well because (deep breath!) it makes you more human and accessible. I think you are doing JUST the right thing sharing things like anxiety attacks. So perhaps the well-meaning family members need to stop worrying so much about your "professional image" and start acknowledging the power of the sharing that you do.

Just my 2-cents! (even if we don't have pennies here in Australia any more!)

Deborah said...

I may have interpreted this post incorrectly and operated under the presumption that it was your family that was engaging in censorship of your writing.

If, in fact, the source is one or more of your readers -- then they need to back the heck off!

It shows incredible courage, not bravado, to write and then launch those words out into the world. I have been in the dark place that you are currently dancing around the edges of and it can be an all engulfing experience. I think that the fact that I could share that with my former patients when I was a practicing psychologist helped them to understand that I really DID 'feel' their pain and anxiety.

Simple though it might sound, just the very act of movement sometimes helps. This is one of the reasons that I have turned to intense walking sessions 4-5 days a week. It literally blows the cobwebs out of my brain and keeps my heart feeling more upbeat about possibilities.

Blessings to you, sweet woman!