inner voices

Yesterday, as I was lying in shivasana (corpse pose) at the end of yoga class, I couldn't quite get comfortable. My right hip ached. It's not sciatica—I've grappled with that one ever since a car accident when I was 16. As I shifted around on my mat, trying to find a comfortable positition, I wondered what the pain was.

Arthritis.

Before I could even formulate the question, the answer popped into my head.

Arthritis.

And I knew that's what it was.

I've heard this voice before, more recently lately, especially when things are rough or I'm having trouble figuring something out. It's sort of like having an internal Answer Lady who doesn't necessarily give me the answers I want. Nor does she wait until I've really asked her anything. Nor is she a she per se. Oh, and it's not really a voice I hear. It's more like uncovering a truth without having been searching.

Or maybe I'd be searching and didn't know.

The thing about this inner oracle is that sometimes these answers have been showing up and I don't want to listen. I don't agree. Perhaps I know she's right and I don't want to accept it. In those moments, we sort of have a back and forth—me rationally explaining why I'm not taking her suggestion to heart, her staunchly sticking to her guns. She doesn't get mad or put upon at my not taking her seriously, she just keeps quietly stating her point of view.

And sometimes, when things are really rocky as they have been lately, she lets me know I'm ok. That even if I feel like I'm falling off the edge, can't handle anymore, could crack from the pressure, that non-voice, that feeling, that sense let's me know that won't happen.

While we don't always see eye to eye, I appreciate this in-tune, perceptive part of me. Even more I think, I appreciate that I'm open enough to hear those deeper truths. Acting on them? I'm not that evolved yet.