Sunday, September 19, 2010

out of my control

At this moment, at this very moment, RIGHT NOW, my blood is boiling and I don't know why. The person in my life who must not be named has decided on an alternate spelling of their nickname.

It's infuriating. Frustrating. PISSING ME OFF.

And I don't know why.

It's not my name. Not my nickname. Not my decision.

And yet, I'm stuck in concrete on this one and can't let go of me being right. To the point where I'm being mean about it and that's a horrible thing to do.

Maybe it's because someone is growing up fast, too fast it seems, and what I think/say/feel is becoming less and less important. Maybe that scares me. Maybe that's making me sad. Maybe it's breaking my heart more than a little bit.

I gave in.

I said I was wrong and that TOWMNBN (I have to find a better way of abbreviating) could do anything they wanted to. Their decision, not mine.

In the end, the spelling stayed the same. But I learned a lesson, one that I'm hoping I remember in those moments I need to.

I have to let go if I want to stay.

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