My wise and talented twitter friend Amy bared her soul in a recent post about accepting where she is in the world. Where she is in her life. About letting go of where she thinks, other people think, the world thinks she should be and being where, and who, she is.
Not that being has to be empty. Not that being has to be boring or stagnant or stifling. Being can be fruitful, engaging, fulfilling. Being, truly being is what is.
Ok, that was a bit too deep even for me. I'm not a be-er. I'm a do-er. A do-er to the point of psychotic at times. I juggle. I work. I spin. I balance the impossible. My to-do list is endless. And no matter what I'm doing, saying, handling, I never feel like it's enough.
I'm not efficient enough. Successful enough. Popular enough. Thin enough. Organized enough. Enough of a communicator. Enough of a leader. Enough of a presence. A parent. A partner. A friend. I should read more. Clean more. Write more. Create more. Volunteer more. Inspire more.
I'd be where I should be if only . . .
Ah. If only what is the question.
And here's where things have been changing for me. Perhaps it's having lived through the past year of my dream book being published and the subsequent roller coaster ride. Maybe it's living with the cutest puppy on the planet who's happiest when she's lying next to me getting her belly rubbed. Could be it's being 46 and moving into a new part of life.
I'm learning how to be. And be happy here. In fact, I just took a puppy break, scratching Gracie as we laid on the couch watching the steady rain fall against the white brick building across the street.
After months of not a creative thought in my head, it's starting to flood back, flow through me, ideas appearing every day. I've working on a movie, just started my first fiction project, have a potential documentary in the works, and a follow up to FLOW to work on. The glimmer of a children's book hit me this morning. I've got a promo film to finish. A song idea to flesh out. Websites to updates. Pieces to write. Fans to find. An audience to entertain. A persona to build.
If I do all of that, some of that, any of that, great.
If not, I'm not failing.