Wednesday, September 8, 2010

grappling with the unexpected

I was expecting today to be unsettled. First day of school for two kids in two different schools. Two different neighborhoods. Two different start times. First time to pull it all together with a puppy. My parents arriving. Big family new year's dinner here tomorrow.

I was expecting unexpected craziness. The missing bracelet. The forgotten sunglasses. The yoyo sticker gone missing. The last minute teacher switch many were made aware of—I wasn't one of them. I'm sure there will be endless crumbs in the pull out couch I haven't dealt with yet. First day fallout.

I can handle all that. With a clenched jaw and slightly racing heart, I'm usually ok.

But today I got thrown a curveball that smacked me so hard I haven't regained my balance. Suffice it to say, someone I love is suffering, badly, and I can't help. I wish I could. I want to. But I can't.

And then, to top it all off, I got my period. A week early. Totally unexpectedly. Hard and angry. Full force from the get go. It explains why I was craving chocolate last night and why I've been bloated for no apparent reason. It was apparent to my body.



I went to yoga and my shoulder still hurts.

I have cramps that aren't mind-numbing but are uncomfortable enough to make me queasy.

In 20 minutes I'll have to slap a smile on my face and chit chat away with people I haven't seen all summer while dealing with a child who I'm sure had a miserable day. And then relatives will be here. Lots of cleaning. Organizing. More chatting and entertaining.

Another sigh.

I just want crawl in a hole and hide.

But instead, here I go.

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