Last night Jon called, his voice dripping with bliss. On the last night of his Snowbird ski trip he and his buddy decided to forgo a fancy dinner and spurge on massages instead. This was after a day skiing in the warm sun, with a former US Olympic ski team member, time logged in the hot tub and I'm sure a beer or two.
I have a sinus infection.
While he was careening down sunny slopes, I was rushing to Little League practice, buying birthday presents, dropping/picking up at school/playdates/parties, hitting the supermarket just about every day, doing endless laundry, cleaning for my parent's visit this weekend, designing ads, working on taxes, making countless grilled cheese sandwiches and baked potatoes, cramming in yoga whenever possible, and mediating all kid related issues. That was day job stuff. I had a FOX news appearance thrown in there. Add in the flurry of emails my soon-to-be co-presidency of the PTA at Iz's middle school has created in my inbox, and you get a sense of the past few days. I know I'm forgetting things, but life's been a bit of a blur lately. My head's barely above water most of the time. Tonight is the huge Bollywood themed auction for Jack's school. It's the first time I'm not volunteering. While I have a ticket, I have no desire to go. I'm talking at Rutger's on Thursday and still have to finish my presentation. Edit the video from The View and get it online. Post the Fox news clips on my website. Today someone's coming to help transfer all info from my old computer to my shiny new imac. I was supposed to go through and delete files I don't need anymore. Instead, I spent time perusing iphoto, marveling at how adorable my children were.
My body's aching.
(I just had to run to the hardware store to pick up glue to try and fix the broken hose of my vacuum. The salesman told me it was a lost cause).
As soon as I finish this post, I now have to head to the vacuum repair shop, hoping they can replace the part and drop forms off with the guy doing my taxes, who hasn't been in touch since I dropped info off over a week ago. Then it's back to my to-do list before the computer guy arrives, I head out for waxing, pick Jack up at afterschool, make dinner for everyone, deal with homework and debate whether to get dressed up and head downtown.
The manic energy I'm feeling at the moment is me running on sudafed fumes. Every time I stand up too fast, I'm fighting dizziness. I can't tell at this point if I'm getting sick or if I've been sick and haven't had a chance to realize it yet.
I'm overwhelmed with all I have to do. All the ball's I've got in the air. The new ones thrown into the mix when I least expect them. Trying to keep me and everyone else together.
I want to sit in a steam room until my skin is so wrinkled you could squeeze me and watch a puddle form on the floor. I'd love to lie in a bathtub and not think for awhile. I need a break folks. In a big way.
That massage had my name on it.
2 comments:
Hang in there, baby. Your sauna is coming.
I lived this story for 20 years.
Here is what I learned:
1) Jon can have his ski trip. So can you. It's not a competition.
2) His happiness doesn't take anything from yours. Each is separate and generated from within - not dependent on the other person.
3) You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to ask for what you want and need. You are allowed to book a ski trip and, in all likelihood, the family will deal.
4) You are not as indispensable as you think you--or they--think you are.
5) the best gift you can give to your kids is to make them do things for themselves.
I have so many other things to tell you... the thing is, you will discover all of this yourself. This is the path of mothering - you are so wise, so honest and so earnest. You will sort this thing out.
It's just a path. Keep walking.
Oh, book a massage.
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