I've been writing just about every day since October. One of my yoga teachers had talked in class about a sadhana, a 40 day commitment to something, the theory being that after 40 straight days whatever it is you had taken on would be part of your routine. I'd tried writing on a regular basis off and on for longer than I can remember, but it never lasted more than a day or two. This has. I'm well into my 6th month, only having missed time when I was away over Christmas and I was actually proud of myself that I could relax enough to not have to be chained to my laptop while on a cruise ship.
I've tried to commit to 40 days of other things. Walking up 10 flights of stairs once a day (honestly, I don't think I ever really planned to do it), to not eat sugar or white flour (again, it sounded good but who am I kidding), working on a FLOW thing a day, but nothing's captured my imagination.
The thing is, I don't think I have anything to say anymore.
I've shared my fears, my thoughts, my angst, my dreams. My frustrations, my experiences, my doubts, my past.
I'm getting a bit bored with me.
I imagine other people are too.
I've gotten much more comfortable as a writer through this blog. Just recently, I've even gotten comfortable calling myself a writer. In fact, this week I've stopped saying I'm a stay at home mom who happens to write books on the side. It's time to stop belittling what I do. Even I realized how ridiculous that sounded. I was on national TV, talking about my book, being thanked by Whoopi for writing it, a book that took just about everything out of me, that I'd tried for 15 years to make happen, and still, I'd apologize for not really being a writer. As if the idea, the work, the drive, the insanity, the creativity fell into my lap by accident.
I don't want to doubt myself the way I have my whole life. This blog has been a remarkable venue for exploring all that.
Will there be anything left to say if I'm not beating myself up every morning?
Will anyone be interested in reading that?
Will I be interested in writing it?