My conundrum: FLOW is having a fancy, grownup launch party next month at Rizzoli's on 57th Street in NYC. An upscale, beautiful, slightly intimidating book store that specializes in fabulous art books. I actually have 2 potential outfits, which is unheard of for me. I do casual funky really well, ranging from hot pink and purple lotus t-shirts to outrageous 60s hawaiian dresses. My front closet is chuck full of vintage coats—everything from faux persian lamb to floor-sweeping rockstar groupie, 18 or so in all. For my party I have a simple black 60s sheath with a slightly swingy skirt and just bought a pair of black mod boots that are perfect. I also found a stunning black with brown lace over nude satin dress, very 60s cocktail party, 3/4 sleeves and it's beautiful. Shoes for that are a challenge—I'd love calf hugging pointy boots but haven't found them yet. But that's not my dilemma, the outfit or the boots. I don't know what to do about my kids.
They want to come to the party. And I would love them to be there—this is a really big moment for me that I want to share with them. They've lived every step of this book. And I'm used to being pulled in different directions all the time. But. BUT. This is my night. People are coming I haven't seen in years. I don't want to be the center of attention with someone grabbing my arm to let me know they're hungry. Bored. Tired. Want to go home. Forgot to do their homework. I don't want to be distracted by bickering, whining, complaining, fighting. I don't want to worry about kids getting wild and running around the store. I'd really prefer to be a grownup for 2 hours and enjoy my party.
That's not unreasonable is it? So why do I feel so guilty?
(day 16 and counting)