She who must not be named (the family member who recently cut me out of her life) was actually right.
I do nothing.
Yup, right now I do nothing.
Well, not quite nothing. I raise 2 kids, run a PTA, take care of a puppy. I make dinner, make beds, do laundry and multiplication tables. I go to physical therapy and yoga. Doctor's appointments for the potential kidney thing. Alternate side parking.
I shop for holiday gifts, for the right kind of pasta, for flowers for my mom's birthday/hospital visit. I plan school dances, weekend play dates, middle school merchandise lines.
But I don't have a "job" job and there are no money making related ventures in my future.
I've been here before. Many times. The last office job I had was in 1995. As a freelancer there are times I'm overwhelmed with work and times when I can barely pay my bills.
This is one of the latter.
To add to the mix, I'm not out there trying to sell anything and that's new too. It's not that I don't have viable ideas I believe in - I do - but at least for right now, doing nothing seems to what I'm supposed to be doing.
Last night I had a long talk with a dear old friend whose life is literally shape shifting in real time. It must be terrifying to live but it's beautiful to watch. This person, in a very short span of time, is discovering who he is, not just being who he thinks he's supposed to be.
Perhaps this relative emptiness in my life right now is so that I can do the same. Maybe letting go of (although I did not choose to) all the busyness is making space for me to grow into what's next.
I have NO idea what that could be. Hopefully something fabulous. Hoping even more it's helping my kidney get to a new home.
But in the meantime, many I know are getting lovely hand knit gifts.
Knitting is the new nothing until I find my new something.