Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I started 4 or 5 posts today. Here. On my phone. In my head.

One was about being stuck.

Another was the death of my hot pink and orange umbrella—a long time fave—in a huge wind gust on the way to yoga.

There's the initial blood tests on Monday for possible kidney donation that I set up this morning.

Life after perfect hair.

The fallback of what do I want to be when I grow up.

A variation of colors and moods based on my class today.

But I can't stick with any of them. In fact, I can't stick with any one thing at the moment. I'm floating aimlessly, or being thrown around in rough seas, without something to moor me. Not that I don't have wonderful stability in my life. I do. But at the moment I've lost the stability, the drive, the centering in me.

That's been ok for the past few months. I've learned to live without being lost in a project. How to be just me instead of what I do (that's another topic that glimmered for a moment or two). I am smack in the middle of so many other people's struggles, my own just aren't very important and that's ok.

But, writing every day will help focus me. It's good to have a goal. Annoying too. There's something freeing in having lowered expectations of myself.

But I'm more than this. And it will come back. I just have to stand up and fight instead of lie on the couch and play word games on my phone.

Day 2 is shifting.

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