what to do when you don't know how to pray

This post is about my brother who's not doing very well right now. He's on dialysis and his port clogged to the point of angioplasty, which didn't work. He's in the hospital now and they're trying to figure out what to do next.

He's been ill since he was a baby and has had far far more than his fair share of illness and pain over the years.

But, he persevered.

He is smart, determined, single-minded, successful outrageously opinionated, funny, goofy, thoughtful. He's always marched to his own drummer and found a way to make it work.

We have a ridiculous secret handshake.

We share a love of pineapple and watermelon.

His puns consistently make me groan (and sometimes laugh).

I know he's always there for me.

But today I don't know how to be there for him.

My mindless chatter and silly stories don't work when it's this serious. Fainting, which I almost did yesterday when I stopped by to visit? Not the ticket. All that's left is putting myself aside and listening.

There are no answers. There are no guarantees. I can't make this better. I'm just praying someone can. I'm praying with all my heart only I don't really know how to pray. But I hope someone, something is listening.