Right now, this moment, this very second, as I'm sitting in my car typing, I'm panicking. PANICKING. Freaking. Stomach clenched. Hands shaking. Not really capable of breathing deep. I'm in the middle of that internal battle when I have to actively fight to maintain control and not spin out. Why?
Makeup.
Yes. Makeup. I want to, need to, look as fantastic as possible for my FLOW party tonight, which means serious makeup tricks are necessary. And the person who is supposed to help can't be at my apartment until exactly the time I need to leave.
(insert scream and stamping feet here)
So, I'm spinning this. Do I go to a Sephora store and beg them for help? Do I send out a frantic email asking for recommendations? Do I TRY TO DO THIS MYSELF?! That's not even comprehensible.
FOR ONE DAY. AN HOUR AND A HALF. ONE PARTY. I want to be not me. I want to be glamorous. Beautiful. Charming. The center of attention. Lina Lamont in Singin' in the Rain. Without the cigarette holder and endless rhinestones. I want to be unfettered, disconnected. I want one night to shine. I want to not think about laundry, undercooked pasta, bedtimes. I want life to be in a bicker/whine free zone. I want a bubble like the one Glinda used in The Wizard of Oz, to surround me and keep all negativity out. I want to bask in my own glow dammit.
Sigh.
Well, that rant helped me push makeup out of the forefront. I still don't have an answer but I have to believe it'll all be ok in the end.
Day 44 is trying hard to keep it all together.
4 comments:
Go to Sephora NOW. Get samples and buy. If you don't like the face they give you (take blouse/dress along) you have time to do over yourself (or get daughter to do it or something!)
Cancel your day. Get your face.
Yes, go to Sephora. Why not? Be and feel as beautiful as you possibly can. But on your way to the store, try to take this in: You are already shining. You positively GLOW off the page. You are a bright, beautiful being who is having this moment in your life BECAUSE of the shining you have already done in bringing this work of art into the world.
You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to mask some imagined flaw. No one will see any of that through the beauty that shines from your deep, true core.
Finally, no one is coming to your book signing to judge or harm you. We are not coming to gawk at you or to put you on some silly pedestal.
We are all coming to celebrate WITH you.
I agree with Amy...you shine :)
remember as you walk in there all those who are behind you, beside you, who are whispering in your ear..You Go Girl!
have a fab time and dont' worry about the makeup! :) we want to hear all about it tomorrow
Well, I think all of the great advice and support has been duly and beautifully said by the previous 3 ladies who beat me to the keyboard. I am so sorry that one of the options was not "get Lisa on a train down here NOW"... I would have come ready to boost your skin tone and your spirits! (Oh, didn't you know, I'm multi-talented) I do disagree with your premise about wanting to be "not you." If you are anything less than the smart, caring, strong, witty woman I've come to know, I would be eminently disappointed. You've got it all... just let it #FLOW :)
When you get nervous, or any other icky emotion today, think of those of us who love you and this project, and find strength there.
I'm with you...
lisa
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