Friday, November 27, 2009

I've got nothing

I think this has been the most emotionally (and physically) exhausting, challenging, exhilarating, thrilling, exciting, depleting two plus weeks of my life. Today, I am numb. Well, almost numb. Sponge Bob's voice feels like someone pouring rubbing alcohol on badly skinned knees—painful with an after-sting that won't go away. And now I'm thinking, post childbirth was, I'm sure, far more exhausting than this. That was a level of exhaustion that can't be replicated. Or even remembered clearly. Having said THAT, I'm older now, and less resilient than I was at 34.

Where is this post going? Folks, I have no idea.

On top of the FLOW insanity I've been living, last night we hosted 12 for Thanksgiving. Until yesterday morning I had barely started cooking, or even realistically made a list of what I needed to get. By the time people showed, I had been to the supermarket and farmer's market more times than I can count—several times going specifically to buy something and coming home without it. Never managed to get pineapples and strawberries.

(surprising wind shift)

While missing much needed fruit at the end of dinner is certainly something to ponder, I need to go on an unexpected tangent for a moment, because, of course, I'm online and checking constantly while I write this and just got an email that made me stop and think. Actually, stop and cringe in horror. It followed a tweet that said, with a slightly biting edge, that my many FLOW posts were overwhelming everything else on someone's home page. And then an emailed arrived asking that I no longer include this person on any FLOW mailings, that's they're receiving far too many and would prefer, well, none.

Whew. I am mortified on one level. Ashamed. Uncomfortable. Squeamish that my pulling out the stops to support my book has become such a turn off to people. Having said that (with a nod to Larry David), this book represents 3 years of my life. I fought SO HARD to get it out into the world. The information within should be mandatory. How women's history, women's rights are boiled down to a paragraph or two about suffragettes in school is shameful. Even more shameful is how we all swallow the pill of not talking, not challenging, not fighting the stigmas that we've been conditioned to believe are true.

This is such a fine line to walk. Shameless self promotion that many are reading is all about me. About book sales. About some sort of fame that's not fleeting too fast. And yes, honestly, that's part of the equation. But far more, I believe so wholeheartedly in this book in an environment, a construct, a society that's so hard to get people to pay attention in.

I'm figuring this out as I go along. I wish I had a mentor, a guru, a psychic who would keep me sailing straight. Who could see the future and know all this energy and effort was well-directed. Who'd be able to let me know I'd come out the other side with my ego intact, my friends not hating me, FLOW educating and empowering people. And a new book deal.

One can dream.

2 comments:

Jo Lynne Valerie said...

Well, I don't promote it online, but I am a mentor and I perform psychic consultations by appointment only. Here's my two cents.

You must, as in MUST speak to the RIGHT people. Specifically target groups and potential readers who will want to hear what you're book is about, because it's what they're about too - or they're ripe to hear it.

Women's groups, book clubs, spiritual groups. Host self organized promotional/informational evenings with you at local coffee houses. Then host one or two a town or two over...

Your book will be okay. The next one will be better. That is just the vibe I get.

You're targeting folks who are not necessarily your target market - and with that said, I'll also state I don't think a lot of the folks in your network speak your language - not really. Do with that what you will.

Your image, your vibe, your tact - all good. It's just the audience that needs fixing. In front of the right people, you'll rock.

Now - as for that shameless self promotion, we do it or our projects die. Period. But we must also get another project right out - quickly. That not only sustains US as artists but proves us to be of substance, to readers.

Session's over. :) Hope you don't mind my lending two cents.

Susan (Rawmazing) said...

Wayne Dyer packed his trunk with his book, Your Erroneous Zones and set of on his shameless promotion gig. Talked to anyone and everyone who would listen. Thinking I wouldn't worry about one person.