the day after

So. 11/11.09. The day after the day I hyped, tweeted, promoted, dreamed about.

(a quick reality note: after that first sentence I had to pop some advil, and fill up a hot water bottle to help with cramps that are ripping through my abdomen at the moment. More on that later).

My morning couldn't have been lovelier. Post ice cream cake extravaganza and getting everyone off to school, I came back and sent a FLOW email to everyone I know, (these cramps are MIND-BOGGLING), highlighting some of amazing press, reminding people about the upcoming FLOW parties, ending with some serious gratitude for all the help and support I've gotten over the past few years. And then, I headed downtown to meet a friend for a celebratory massage.

Great Jones Spa is this super funky mix of zen and urban construction (I just had to double over for a moment or two), with a 3 story waterfall, the most delicious steam room I've ever been in, whirlpools, a sauna that I can actually tolerate, and comfy chairs strewn about so you can just sit and chill. My massage was fantastic. Margarita worked the knot out of my left shoulder blade that's kept me from raising my arm for the past week. By the time she was working my front, I was floating. Until close to the end, when a dull throb started in my left temple which only got worse when I stood up. We spent another hour in the spa, and while most of me felt great, the pain in my head kept getting worse.

And then, it was back to regular life. Picked Jack up at a play date and stopped off on the way home to pick up a yo-yo for him. After 2 days of playing with one he got as a party favor, he's decided Yo-yo Master is his life path and he needed something more substantial. Within 5 minutes of opening the package, he was hysterical because he wasn't automatically walking the dog and doing other party tricks. By the time we got home, he was full-on raging while I only wanted to catch up on all that had been going on in FLOW world for a few minutes.

Nope. I was tying knots. Retying knots. Getting out knots. All while being serenaded by screams and sobs of frustration. Into this mess walks Iz, who'd just had the best day of her life (she informed of this by phone, on her way home). The magical story she'd written for English won first prize. This is for a girl who hates writing. I have to say, her story was amazing. She radiated thrilled-ness. And, she got a 100 on a science quiz. So, she's beaming, he's melting. And still, I'm frantically trying to get back to FLOW.

Head still pounding I escaped the drama for a moment to get more advil and discovered that my period had started. Early. Or at least I'd thought so at the time—I'd managed to completely ignore my calendar for the past few weeks. Normally I'm hyper aware of when it's imminent. This month, not a clue. But, that explained the headache. And what a fabulous personal tie-in to FLOW's pub date. My body wanted in on the excitement.

Ran to Jack's parent teacher conference which was terrific for the most part. But, we realized there are still issues he needs help with. At this point, cracks started rippling through my heart, like when a shatterproof windshield breaks after a car accident. I don't know that there's a worse pain than acknowledging the pain your child goes through that you can't make better. Of course, I felt like it was all my fault. If only we'd realized sooner, blah blah blah.

Now what? Jon and I took a quick detour to Barnes and Noble on 8th Street, found FLOW not on a front table, but upstairs, in a far corner bookshelf. Looked great, but unless you're looking for it, you'll never see it. I called home from the street, telling the kids to meet us downstairs for dinner. And then, yes, you guessed it, my WORST MOM EVER executioners mask and ax magically appeared. OUT TO DINNER? Oh god, what sort of torture was I envisioning? Truly, my cruelty knows no bounds. Pizza at Patsy's? Someone should have me arrested.

While waiting for pizza and surreptitiously checking my phone for updates, I got an email that the Huffington Post article mentioning FLOW films was up (http://bit.ly/3TUSrW). I'd been expecting it for almost 2 weeks and had almost given up hope. What a fabulous thing to end the day with. HuffPo, with a shout out to my burgeoning film-making skills and a link to FLOW's website. The night was on an upswing. Sort of.

Dinner was up and down. The rest of the night was up and down. Iz read a book. Jack played wii. Jon sat at his computer. I caught the world up and what had happened during the day. Then bedtime with meltdowns all around. After that requisite drama I had website updates to do, and spent a couple of hours going through the tons of email and tweets and comments I'd received. Amazing enthusiasm and support from so many people. Not from my family though (did hear from my sister, thanks honey!). I'd been mentioning this day for months. I'd sent an email out that morning. No mention. No congratulations. No virtual high-fives. But honestly, not a surprise. And that just about summed the day for me.

On this life-changing day, nothing really changed.

Day 38 is realistically grounded, hot water bottle pressed hard against my belly.