I didn't get hit by a bus

I've spent the past few months (as many of you know), in a state of constant frenzy, panic, agita, freaked-out-ness and assumed that last night, the eve before FLOW'S PUB DATE, I'd be a complete train wreck, unable to sleep, up all night checking, tweeting, emailing, hyping, scrambling, not able to let go of the need to communicate, push, sell, promote.

Nope.

Last night I reworked the FLOW site, put up a bunch of amazingly cool things people have been saying, and went to sleep. And today, I feel remarkably calm, almost to the point of drugged.

Wow. This is unexpected. I'm not even sure what to say. Words usually flow as I write, so much is swirling in my head that forms the patterns and themes of these posts, but today I'm swirl-free. I'm NEVER swirl-free. Ok, maybe there's a bit of a spin (I keep checking twitter to see if anyone's RT-ing my FLOW posts) but that's pretty mellow for my current state.

At the moment, everyone is trying so hard to pull off a surprise ice cream cake celebration for me. We celebrate birthdays at our house with ice cream cake for breakfast—totally irresponsible, but a super happy way to start the day.

(FLOW party break)

The cake said "go with the flow" in pink icing, with a big pink dot at the bottom and the on sale date. Apparently, the lady at Tasti D Lite (the only ice cream cake I eat), was quite confused and challenged at the involved inscription. Iz made a beautiful needle felted doll for me in a full length red dress. Jack managed not to whine even though he got woken up an hour early. A chair was set up for me covered in blankets, with a red pillow to sit on. A red rose and a "happy flow day" sign was waiting at the table. I am truly grateful for my family and that they made this celebration for me when I've been a nightmare to live with much of the past 3 years.

I'm thinking this post is about gratitude. I wouldn't have made it through the last few months without the tremendous support of people who fill my days and nights online with encouragement, humor, love, compassion, and the occasional shut-the-hell-up-honey-and-get-back-to-reality smack downs. What's crazy is that some I only know by their twitter names. Others are people on facebook I barely knew in junior high and high school. I am perpetually BLOWN AWAY by the people who respond to this blog, engage in my insanity, laugh at my insecurity, believe in FLOW. And me.

I'm hoping the music doesn't start before I'm done with my thanks . . .

There's now an official FLOW think tank: Dan and Tony who are working on an audio promo for me. Jeremy and Joe, who never leave me hanging. Janie and Lexie, who I can't wait to see again. Dana, and the LL crew, for my FLOW party. Katie and Kristy who kept me sane last night. My twitter brigade (there's no way I won't miss a name, so please know if we're in touch, I'm sending love and thanks your way: @SusanPowers, @rebeccaelia, @ponet, @BluePomGirl, @MrsWhich, @Greetums, @scottfaithfull, @AgingBackwards, @NovelHelp, @whitelotus01, @DarryleP, @joyfc, @cara19, @AmyOscar, @CousinSlowPoke, @butterflyhaikus, @ShellyKramer—you guys rock.

I just realized, the title of this post makes no sense. A quick explanation: while working on FLOW I'd have moments of heightened panic that involved thoughts like "what if I got hit by a bus before the book came out?" Moments when my usual panic would be flatlined compared to utter and total irrationality (I don't think that's a word but it's working for the situation).

But, today is launch day and here I am. Totally grateful, and with no broken bones.