Sunday, January 3, 2021

blogging

I decided to write for a bit and see if I still wanted to write. 

The jury is out.

My life is in a different place than it was when I spilled my guts before. I used to get up and writing was the first thing I did every morning. There were remnants of dreams in my mind and children still sleeping and long days to slog through - writing was my escape in the minutes before everything else crashed me back to reality. But these days days are different. 

I meditate as soon as I get up. 

I check time hop and see what I was doing in years past. 

I do legs up the wall and roll my feet on a golf ball and stretch my upper back on yoga blocks. 

I've found other ways of space and time to help me stay grounded and present. 

Writing isn't a habit yet. It's something that I keep almost forgetting to do.

I'm still on the fence. 

We'll see. 

Saturday, January 2, 2021

For me it’s Starbucks hot chocolate. I do t even like them that much but it’s a daily must have.

MUST HAVE. 

For years I’ve given them up and fell back into the sugar routine, pretending they’re full of protein and calcium so they must be good for me. 

I just found out each one has 38 grams of sugar. 

38. 

Grams of sugar. 

38. 

Grams. 

Of. 

Sugar. 

All that for something I don’t even enjoy all that much. I guess I do have a New Years resolution. Time to give this shit up. 

Friday, January 1, 2021

resolutions


I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. Generally they don’t last and I’m pissed at myself for not sticking to whatever it was. Instead, I commit to things whenever it feels like there’s something I need to commit to. 

Right now I’m committed to getting into better shape. It’s been close to a year of a lot of staying in one place and while I took plenty of Pilates classes and walked whenever I could, it’s been years since I had a dedicated cardio practice. So that’s my plan not just because it’s a new year but because it’s time to challenge my body and myself to get to a healthier place. Day one and my spin classes are in the bag. My goal, not resolution, is 4 rides a week. I’m thinking that’s reasonable and manageable and something I won’t have to beat myself up about if it doesn’t always work out. 

Kindness to yourself is key. 

Thursday, December 31, 2020

change

I spent much of my life dreading change but conversely have taken paths that throw change in my path at every step. 

I’ve learned to perhaps not embrace it but at least say hello to it as someone I might like in the end. 

Right now though I’m staring down a barren street, waiting for change to show up. Change to rational leaders and accountability for bad behavior and people believing in science and the end of alternative facts/truth. People caring about other people and the planet. Equity for more. Privilege to be something not to aspire to. Seeing my family in person. My business coming back. There are so many changes I’m looking forward to - some to what was some to things I couldn’t have imagined. 

Tomorrow is just another day. I’m not a fan of symbolism or ball drops or staying up until midnight just to acknowledge the divide between before and after. Having said that, I’m looking forward to 2020 being a construct of the past. 

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

moving

 As 2020 wraps up I've been thinking about more bright spots I've found in the general doom and gloom and darkness. I rediscovered yoga after a long stretch of disillusionment. One of my all time favorite teachers who left NYC years ago is teaching on zoom and those classes over the past few months have been a pure delight. How wonderful to move and flow again after thinking I never would. 

I also learned I love spinning. I'd only done a few classes in the real world and hated just about everything about them. Having a bike at home (it's been a month) when I can hop on and ride whenever I feel like it has been a game changer. I'd left cardio behind too and now I'm literally back in the saddle and working as hard as I can with people who inspire me to challenge myself. 

Turns out, after years and years and years of gyms and studios, that I like online exercise. It's lovely having space around me and not worrying about being kicked in the head or navigating through loudly chatting crowds to try and find my coat in crowded spaces.

It's remarkable to rediscover/discover practices that are good for both mind and body. I'm pretty sure if it hadn't been for sheltering in I wouldn't be at this place right now.

Monday, December 28, 2020

crafting



I was a super crafty kid, always making something or another. Much of it involved words so it’s no surprise that I ended up as a graphic designer. Back in the day though I had no idea what that was and my crafting ways were generally looked down upon as a waste of time - I should have been focusing on more academic pursuits. 

It took decades before I got over that mindset, went to art school and found things I excelled at instead of struggled with. Even then I never took what I did all that seriously. I thought lawyers and doctors to be far worthier than me and my silly little ideas to be, well, silly and little. 

Jumping forward a bunch I spent the sheltering in part of the pandemic crafting, an exercise I hadn’t dabbled in in years but I needed to be constructive and doing something. I started an Etsy shop, sold hundreds of messaging buttons and t shirts. I outfitted many with something to say and adorned parts of the resistance. Turns out my silly and little projects resonated with people, I found a way to put ideas floating through my imagination into the world. Today I’m working through newish ideas and will see what happens. I love that I’m still a work in progress. 

Sunday, December 27, 2020


Just about my favorite comfort thing, well exactly my be all end all favorite comfort thing is my hot water bottle. To be a bit more clear it doesn’t have to be the specific water bottle I have at the moment - any full quishy, toasty hot water bottle that warms my toes or my belly or the small of my back fits the bill. 

My first hot water bottle was a gift. It was heart shaped which made it feel far less like something I’d use in am old age. I lived in a crummy walk up apartment with close to zero insulation. On super cold mornings we’d find frost on the floor. Periodically, or for stretches and of time our boiler would be out of whack so we’d warm our clothes in the oven and boil water to wash with and fill my hot water bottle as I huddled under countless blankets. 

Anyway I loved that gift. LOVED. When the seal broke and a slow leak developed I tracked down another. Eventually I came to terms with the generic version sold in drugstores and have happily used one of those ever since. Last night my hot water bottle lulled me to sleep and this morning, for the first time ever I think, I decided to be a bit lazy and stay in bed. Well that’s not the first time for that but it’s so cold I refilled my hot water bottle and now I’m back to cozy. 

Sometimes the most innocuous, unexpected, simple things bring the greatest joy.