Wednesday, December 16, 2009

how fame has changed me

HA! I couldn't resist that title. Which brings up an interesting point. What is fame, anyway?

Last week I stopped by Jack's school at lunch, to orchestrate his entire class to create an art project for their teacher's holiday gift. In 20 minutes. Psychotic, but we got it done. In the middle of the melee, a girl from his kindergarten class (they're now in 3rd grade) tugged on my sleeve and asked me if I had been on TV the week before, she'd seen me. I said yes and she wandered off. Funny, that an 8 year old happened upon a local cable talk show at 8 at night, in the upper channel regions, but hey, it was nice to be recognized. And at a middle school PTA meeting last week, Izzy's principal told me that while having her hair done and reading Marie Claire, she came across a piece about FLOW. She told everyone in the salon there was a celebrity parent at her school.

Funny, from here it's not feeling so celebrity. I'm not invited to parties with super cool swag. No red carpets in the near future. In fact, around some I know, I'm hyper conscientious of not talking FLOW too much, as I've been called out for over-saturation.

Which leads me to this . . . someone suggested I write about how FLOW's changed me after a month. I loved that idea but realized this morning, the month anniversary had passed and I didn't realize. That was my mom's birthday so the world was revolving around phone calls and cards and making sure siblings remembered. Oh wait, I managed to screw that up this year too. Usually I email everyone to remind them to call, this year I was delighted I remembered myself in a timely fashion. But back to FLOW. I've learned I can own this book, talk about it, have intelligent, interesting, though-provoking, off-the-cuff conversations about it with just about anyone. The information, the backround, the concepts are in me. Are me. I know this stuff. I love this stuff.

And I want more. Not fame. Not swag (although that would be nice). But the opportunity to talk, to share, to educate. That's what I want. I don't want to hide in my living room anymore. I don't want to be afraid to put myself out there. I want to believe in what I do and celebrate that, instead of apologizing for it. I don't want to feel guilty anymore for my creativity, for my strengths, my power.

I want to shine. And I'm ok about saying that. That's how this modicum of fame has changed me.


Catharine said...

Why don't you do a book tour? I can give you the name of some fantastic independent bookstores in NC. I'm sure your readings will be well attended. Readers are dying to have the opportunity to talk to writers about their work. And (unpublished) writers are hungry for more information on the publishing process. There are people writing really decent stuff right now and having a hell of a time publishing. You have so much to offer the world, and if you are willing to give, all the better!

Alice Langholt said...

Sounds as if you've achieved some self-confidence at a higher level, and that's a good change. Your success with Flow is going to just continue, as you've clearly created something that's a sensation. This is just the beginning. It's fun watching things unfold and reading your blog as you acclimate to your success.

For the record, I agree with Catharine that you could do some book signings that would give you the opportunity to do what you want to do - talk about the book, your passion for the topic, and reach even more people.

Thanks for being real.