hot flashes: 2 - me: zero

For the past two nights I've had trouble sleeping. Not falling asleep - that's usually not an issue - but staying that way. I've woken up sweaty, sweating, needing to be on top of blankets when usually I can only be burrowed under piles of them. 

Yup. Hot flashes. 

I laid there quietly, breathing my way through, hoping they'd pass quickly and never come back. They've brought my nemesis anxiety with them. Sigh. I work so hard to keep it at bay but here we are again. 

I'm wondering if I've been having too much sugar lately. Do I finally give up hot chocolate after saying I would for week? Or perhaps it's just chocolate in general. Maybe heat in the building when it's still warm outside. Could be stress of high school and now college searches. Facing big jobs I can't get myself to start. Too much volunteering with not enough making money. Not knowing what to make for dinner.

I want an answer. An explanation. A concrete reason why this is starting to happen. But, there isn't one. Learning to live and be ok with the unknown sucks. I suppose, looking at the bigger picture, we're always living in the unknown - it's just easier to pretend we're not most of the time. 

Today's another day where finding the gratitude is challenging. But I'm trying perhaps my metabolism is speeding up and all the sweating is ridding me of toxins on for size.