Monday, January 4, 2010

(not) resolutions

I'm not a big fan of resolutions. While the symbolism is appealing—new year new start—they're far too easy to break with a casual "oh well, that was just a new year's thing." And apparently all sense of time and place disappeared while I was away. The fact that it's January 4th is more than slightly mind-boggling. Sun, turquoise water and free-flowing days wreaked havoc with my usually neurotic need to plan. Generally, as a year wraps up, Jon and I look back and take stock, appreciating what we've accomplished, what wasn't so great, what we'd like to take on. But on the ship I was too in the moment to look back or forward, content to stare out at the ocean, read a book, nap every afternoon, soak up the sun.

So, here I am, 2009 a thing of the past, already in this year that I believe is going to be the year (or at least a really good year), with no plans, no intentions, no ideas, no direction. While I don't do resolutions, I do have goals, not quite so black and white, succeed or fail.

I will eat better. Amazingly, as a vegetarian for 20 plus years and a recovering anorexic, I've completely lost the ability to scrutinize every morsel that goes in my mouth. Which is a fantastic thing in one sense. But my body is protesting. Things like poptarts, butter, ice cream (it counts even though I only eat little cones), pasta without rhyme or reason are draining me. I weigh more now than I have in years—pants that used to swim are now getting snug. I'm not in a free-fall panic, but I want my body and my health back.

I want my kids to eat better. My issues with food are shaping them and I have to take more responsibility for everyone's sake.

Time to find new design clients. Almost everything stopped last year. Regular clients I'd been working with for years lost their budgets and my regular gigs that arrived like clockwork are gone. For good.

It's time to not be so connected. I realized how automatically I reach for my phone, for update buttons, for connections to people and news that aren't in the room. It's completely distracting from reality and a terrible habit.

Every day I will continue to promote FLOW. And every day I will spend time on new projects. I have 3 waiting to happen, a very cool kids book with my friend Jeremy that's just waiting for my input, WRINKLE, and a yoga book with the coolest yogi on the planet.

Minimalism is my new reality. My friend Dan is moving and taking less than 100 things with him when he goes. I can't cut down that much, but the piles and full cabinets are draining on many levels.

Patience for my kids is something I have much of, but not enough. They're growing so fast and if I don't wrap them up and appreciate it now, it'll be over.

Getting up to write early. I'd lost that and was finding it next to impossible to be introspective or creative with homework pressure, "MOM" being screamed incessantly, chaos reigning. Early morning, sun not yet up, subtle traffic up 6th avenue is the best time for me to let this out.

It feels good to be writing. To feel my energy start to flow again.

Day 2 is happy to be home and know my groove has been waiting for me.

2 comments:

StoneTosser (Dana) said...

Elissa
I am with you on the (not) resolutions thing, and many of your not resolutions. Among many things, I'm resolving to get new work by not letting the energy of old work stick to me and gum me up. I just decluttered, which helps, but I'm ever mindful of how easy it is to let the stuff stack back up. I'm glad you're back to writing. You do it well. Happy New Year.
Love, Light and Blessings
~Dana

sfauthor said...

Nice posting. Do you know about these yoga books?

http://www.yogavidya.com/freepdfs.html