empty

After the whirlwind and drama and confusion and emotion of a child leaving for college, after the panic over perfect make up containers and what will she eat and is the room too cold and is campus safe - after the stifled sobs and quiet crying, the forgotten favorites and the over planning, there's this. 

This emptiness. 

This unknown. 

This missing her first thing in the morning and saying good night when she always turned in first. 

The sparkling clean room that's the opposite of her reality. The Nutella that won't be touched. The lack of art supplies strewn everywhere. 

The comfort of knowing where she is and what she's up to. 

This new reality feels lonely, strange, a sense of waiting for her when she's not here. 

I know this newness and I will come to terms with each other. But I'm not seeing the silver lining at the moment.