losing track of thankful

It is so easy in the chaos of  regular life to forget the bigger picture, to be overwhelmed by the daily grind.

To lose track of thankful.

At the moment I'm fraying at the edges. It's been an intense fall and at times I've felt like I'm barely surviving. It's often easier  to keep my head down and just skim the insanity. Finding space, opening my eyes to what's beyond feels almost impossible when I'm stretched so incredibly thin.

But, there is so much in my life to be thankful for that a slight shift in perspective brings it into focus.

My life has been usurped by school tours and tutors and testing and unbelievable stress. But we get to live in NYC where there are great options out there and I know, deep down, that wherever Iz and Jack end up will be fine.

I spend more time picking poop up off the street than I every could have imagined but Moo and Gracie are the most remarkable creatures and I can't imagine a life without that pure, delicious love.

I've been dealing with a torn rotator cuff and chronic pain. But, I'm healing and at 47+ am in the best shape I've ever been in.

Not a day goes by without whining or complaining from someone. Drama. Bickering. Full scale battles happen far more often than I wish they would. But it's my family. I would do anything and everything for them.

My design career stalled and I can't seem to get it started again. But, I'm working on my first monologue, to perform in public, and am taking on a producer role in new projects.

Not everyone I know is in a good healthy place. But, they're still here.

And while I went through voluntary surgery, have 4 new scars on my abdomen, can't take Advil anymore, gave up salt, am down a kidney, I radically, amazingly changed my brother's life. I still hold onto that being a true miracle.

I am thankful beyond thankful for that opportunity, for that transplant, for being able to help. For the remarkable people in my life. For the city I live in. For the time to volunteer. For the opportunity to reinvent myself yet again.

For the ability to step back. And to be thankful.