Saturday, April 9, 2016


I would suppose everyone compartmentalizes to some extent. Blurry edges can make life more difficult to navigate and handle sometimes. 

And so many have too many balls in the air. That constant distraction though, can help with staying focus and getting through to do lists and overfilled days. 

Most of the time the balancing act is fine and I'm quite adept at it. My mother always tells me I do too much but to me, it is what it is and it's the way I am - I don't know another way of being. 

Anyway, right now my edges are blurring a bit more than I'm comfortable with. Balls are starting to drop. My inate drive has shut down and I'm perfectly happy lying on a couch and doing nothing. Yet I can't sleep at night. I'm on the edge of too many unknowns and I can't find the excitement in it at the moment, only a subtle sense of dread. 

I would imagine that many at this point in life, with 52 fast approaching, college looming on one end, hospitals and rehab for others, are feeling this too. Everything is shifting. You're needed in different ways. Your children are becoming adults and your parents need you to be the grown up sometimes. And with all that comes such profound change. Houses will be emptier. Responsibilities will shift. Holidays will be different. 

And you can't go back. 

It's far easier for me to box it all away in sections, keeping doors shuts and balls circling as effective coping strategies. At the moment though all go to methods aren't working and life is messy and unexpected. 


Perhaps overseeing arrangements for a college acceptance weekend, dealing with set ups at rehab, putting info together to hand over to the board I've headed up and am leaving, walking the dogs, making breakfast, editing a movie script, cleaning the apartment, and updating 3 websites will help me get back on my track. 

Or maybe I'll get lost in the Great British Bake Off for awhile. 

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