waiting

In some ways waiting is the hardest part. 

For me worrying and waiting are inextricably intertwined. No matter how much I grow or change, how strong I feel, in that waiting space it can be a challenge to hold onto the light or even just be present when the here and now feels pretty ok.

I'm not a follower of solstices but today is one and my brilliant yoga teacher this morning talked about knowing the light is coming even on the darkest days.

Knowing the light is coming, even on the darkest days. 

After darkness comes light. 

There is balance in the force. 

Ok maybe that one was a little silly but maybe not. There is balance and sometimes when things are overwhelming and jumbled and too much, holding onto the temporary-ness of it all can be a switch flipper. 

Today I'm waiting on a whole bunch of things. Most immediate is a COVID test for someone near and dear and one for me. It's masks and solitude until there's news. My hands are cracking from washing them so much. I can't completely feel my feet since I'm leaving my windows as open as I can stand. I'm staying as busy as possible so as not to dwell and flirt with panic. And below all that I'm hoping. And maybe, just maybe, beyond that I'm watching and knowing it'll be ok no matter what it is.