I've lost track of how I feel. Where I am in space. I'm frozen yet running. Thrown continually into unknowns. I'm not sure how to act. What to do. How to cope. I cry far more than I usually do. I have tears in my eyes right now as my plane is taking off, shuddering in the rain, having just left my mom on a cardiac floor, heading home knowing everyone has held it together but will melt when I'm there.
There are no breaks. No answers. No guarantees.
And so I'm learning far more to appreciate moments. Not what will be. But what is. Sitting and holding my mom's hand. Watching baking shows with my girl who will be starting a huge new chapter in her life soon. Talking to random strangers and sharing snippets of each other's lives. Meditating every day. Breathing. Finding my ground. Loving as much as I can and making sure people know how much they mean to me.
That and love are getting me through.