46? My brother is struggling with dialysis. My sister's struggling with a bipolar diagnosis and getting the right meds to get her back to comfortable. Almost 2 months out I'm still struggling with injuries from my bike fall. It's shocking how slowly I'm healing. I can't practice yoga anymore. I've lost almost all my design clients. I've been dealing with school issues and growing up issues and more family stuff than I thought I could handle. I started taking meds when I couldn't cope anymore.
My creativity's gone missing.
The things I've identified myself as for so long have disappeared, been taken away, are on hiatus.
What's basically impossible to comprehend is that I'm happier now. More grounded. Better able to handle all that's thrown at me.
I got a puppy who's changed all of us. I'm a PTA president and, with the most amazing people, have accomplished great things just since September.
I'm a more open friend. I'm a more involved parent. I'm a better partner.
Most of all, I'm nicer to myself.
I'm accepting where I am instead of beating myself up about where I'm not. I gave up exercising in pain and am giving my body time to heal. I've learned to recognize when it all gets to be too much and not to push past that.
I take naps when I need to.
I stare off into space when I'm too exhausted to do anything else.
I eat chocolate (organic dark) when I have the urge.
I got my hair cut off, my nose pierced. I'm thinking about tattoos.
I'm indulging in retail therapy. Apparently this is the fall of grey and ruffles, both things I've never even considered before.
I'm changing. I'm growing. I'm learning to let go and find strength in weakness.
The wisdom that comes with getting older is priceless. I wouldn't trade it for anything.